Author: Bobby Zimmeruski

conference

President Nelson Reminds All ‘Able-Bodied Young Men’ That They Must go on Missions…Except those named Chad

President Nelson started off the 192nd Annual General Conference with another transformative piece of revelation. As the prophet himself put it, “I remind all young men have they have the great privilege and responsibility to go a mission to serve the Lord. All young men must go…except those who are unfortunate enough to be ‘Chad’. ‘Chads’ will unfortunately never be worthy enough to serve a … Continue reading President Nelson Reminds All ‘Able-Bodied Young Men’ That They Must go on Missions…Except those named Chad

Bobby Zimmeruski
Uncategorized

Disappointed Local Man’s “Intramural Champion” T-Shirt Not Enough to Woo Women

After scoring zero points and acquiring six fouls in his team’s intramural championship game, Karl Stockton was ready to take on the world. Stockton, who teamed up with his mission companion’s old high school basketball team, fulfilled his biggest dream since he came to BYU: become an intramural champion. “This is why I’ve been putting in all that work,” Stockton said. “Taking beginning basketball every … Continue reading Disappointed Local Man’s “Intramural Champion” T-Shirt Not Enough to Woo Women

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus

Student finally realizes we live in a simulation after “sus” NPC activity on campus

Keanu Jermichaelson, a senior at BYU majoring in Ancient Scripture, finally came to terms with his futile existence. As we are all well aware, we live in a simulation created by our technological overlords Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. But surprisingly, there are only a select few remaining who have not accepted this. Jermichaelson was one of them. “I just started to notice that things … Continue reading Student finally realizes we live in a simulation after “sus” NPC activity on campus

Bobby Zimmeruski
Life

DI Thrift Stores to add Food Courts to all Locations

In an effort to compete with Costco, Deseret Industries announced that will begin to add food courts to all of its locations by the end of the year. This decision was made in an attempt to keep “shopping local” and “give customers diabetes before someone else will”. Unsurprisingly, DI Thrift Stores will operate their food courts the same exact way as their stores and will … Continue reading DI Thrift Stores to add Food Courts to all Locations

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Life

BYU Student excommunicated after confessing to his Bishop that he still watches Minecraft videos

Cherd McGaulkin knew that confessing your sins was a beautiful and important part of life. It provided a fresh start and a chance to become better as a person. But during his interview, he did not expect his Bishop to inquire of the most deadly of sin and was caught completely off guard. “It has been a great interview,” McGaulkin recounted. “As the interview to … Continue reading BYU Student excommunicated after confessing to his Bishop that he still watches Minecraft videos

Bobby Zimmeruski