Author: Bobby Zimmeruski

Life

Student Admits He Never Actually Liked Rap Music After Listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Newest Album

“Life as a white male is a predictable yet constant cycle. As the species evolves, so does its musical taste. Prototypical white males begin their musical journey by listening to Coldplay. The syncopated rhythms and subtle beats of Coldplay lead the white male on a path of alternate rock and Imagine Dragons binging. But once the white male fulfills this destiny, they become enthralled by … Continue reading Student Admits He Never Actually Liked Rap Music After Listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Newest Album

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured, News

Student Finally Finds Parking On Campus After a Grueling 8-Month Long Search

As all current and former BYU students know, parking spots on campus are as hard to come by as a non-thirsty returned missionary. Due to the limited parking spots on campus, some students complain how they have missed classes desperately looking for a place to park. But once you hear this story, you’ll never complain again… “My parents were kind enough to give me my … Continue reading Student Finally Finds Parking On Campus After a Grueling 8-Month Long Search

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, General Conference, Uncategorized

Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Often times when an AP returns home from their mission, they feel helpless and without purpose. Without other people to boss around all-day, these fallen brothers tend to resort to summer sales or other business internships to scratch that itch. In a recent turn of events, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has provided a way out for these lost souls. Starting this … Continue reading Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

BYU Adds Lazy River to Incentivise Students to take Summer Term Classes

Every year once winter finals are finally completed, Provo becomes a ghost town. As the hot singles return to their home states to do summer sales, the lonely “6 on a good day” singles and newly weds are tasked with defending Provo like their life depends on it. “It gets pretty lonely out here,” Jeremy Bird, 5-time Provo Summer veteran, told the Alternate Universe. “All … Continue reading BYU Adds Lazy River to Incentivise Students to take Summer Term Classes

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, Life

Elder Murray from ‘The District’ Finally Becomes a Blue Chair

Everyone’s favorite goofball from The District series, Elder Murray, finally had his lifelong dream come true. “I know I received this blessing in my life because I have been a righteous servant of the Lord,” Elder Murray said. “I can’t think a greater eternal blessing than becoming a blue chair…wait.” As all cultural missionaries know, The District is a series shown to all greenies in training … Continue reading Elder Murray from ‘The District’ Finally Becomes a Blue Chair

Bobby Zimmeruski