BYU Police employs military-grade solutions for jaywalkers and grass-walking students

I want you to close your eyes and think to yourself right now: What is the worst part about BYU? Come on, do it. I don’t see those eyes closed. There we go, nice job. You can open your eyes. What did you say was the worst part about BYU? Did you say the people? American Heritage? Economics with Professor Kearl? Not being able to … Continue reading BYU Police employs military-grade solutions for jaywalkers and grass-walking students

Kevin Worthen releases diss-track directed at Pete Davidson titled, “Called to Serve (Some Bars)”

As covered in previous articles, Peggy Worthen and Pete Davidson have been spotted multiple times together on campus. This has caused quite a ruckus in the local community that even your grandma is asking who is “Pat and David’s Son.” BYU President and renowned pole-licker Kevin Worthen has finally responded to the rumors of Davidson’s escapades in the only way he knows how – song. … Continue reading Kevin Worthen releases diss-track directed at Pete Davidson titled, “Called to Serve (Some Bars)”

BYU student dies after purposely contracting leprosy to “stand apart from the COVID crowd”

“This is why I flooded the Earth guys…Do I need to do it again?” – God, probably Just like the guy who doesn’t realize the party has ended and as clearly overstayed his welcome, COVID has once again run rampant across the United States. The new Omicron variant has revived COVID from the ashes and now it has its eyes set on infecting every single person … Continue reading BYU student dies after purposely contracting leprosy to “stand apart from the COVID crowd”

Friend-Zoned Student Confused When Crush Posts She is Getting Married to her “Best-Friend”

When Trevor Rump finally mustered up the courage to ask out the girl he’d been staring at in the Cougareat for the last five minutes, he thought nothing could go wrong. He walked up to her, leaned against the table, and started spitting game he had been practicing in the mirror since his mission. He failed miserably. “You seem really nice but I think it … Continue reading Friend-Zoned Student Confused When Crush Posts She is Getting Married to her “Best-Friend”

Kevin Worthen Found Alone, Crying Under the Mistletoe

Papa Kev is down bad As you have most likely seen by now, recent pictures have been revealed of honor-code abiding Pete Davidson and the most powerful person at BYU, Peggy Worthen, chatting it up court side at a recent BYU basketball game. Whether this is Davidson’s way of beating the admissions process or just another stop on his quest to date every woman in … Continue reading Kevin Worthen Found Alone, Crying Under the Mistletoe