Author: Basil Fawlty

Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

Basil FawltyLeave a comment
Campus, Featured, Life

“Dead Learning Suite Theory” Suggests Everyone On LS Except You is a Bot

Campus conspiracy theorists have been abuzz lately over an unsettling new claim: that BYU’s Learning Suite tool, the staple of the university’s digital education endeavors, now consists solely of a complex network of AI bots. This would render every single interaction on the platform, from discussion boards to assignment feedback, meaningless and artificial, even more than they already were. The theory spawns from a series … Continue reading “Dead Learning Suite Theory” Suggests Everyone On LS Except You is a Bot

Basil FawltyLeave a comment
Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

Police Beat: Feb. 28-March 7

BYU: Theft Feb. 25 — A student’s innocence was reported stolen after attending an introductory biology class. Feb. 27 — The cryogenically frozen body of Wilford Woodruff was stolen from the Testing Center. Vandalism March 3 — Lipstick marks were found covering the Chief Massasoit statue. Suspicious Feb. 26 — A food science major was seen entering the Cannon Center. Animal problem March 2 — A report … Continue reading Police Beat: Feb. 28-March 7

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Campus, Featured

BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

In a controversial announcement, BYU has announced that the long-awaited replacement for the Harris Fine Arts Center was designed by a generative AI model, a first in the field of architecture. “The new Aarts Billdng represents our campus’s greatest step forward in architecture since the JKB,” a BYU spokesman said. In front of the building, a statue of former BYU President Franklin S. Harris beckons … Continue reading BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

Basil Fawlty