Author: Kim Possible

Campus, Featured

Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

The poll of 34,737 BYU adults found that 100% do not want to take your survey. As the end of the semester approaches, distraught students have shared their thoughts on the matter. “I don’t understand why no one will take my psychometrics survey,” Steven Shnarvey stated perplexedly. “It’s only 180 questions and will literally take 2 minutes!!” While some students struggle with the quantity of … Continue reading Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

Kim Possible2 Comments
Featured

BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

The allegations are innumerable. With multiple disturbing accounts of strange student behavior occurring on campus, Provo residents are starting to suspect that the Student Health Center is to blame. “I heard they are testing mind-control drugs that can induce supernatural powers. The name of the experiment is something like “Project BY-Ultra.” stated Brison Weiss, a true crime enthusiast. Rumor has it that the student health … Continue reading BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

Kim Possible1 Comment
Featured, Uncategorized

New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

In an effort to preserve BYU greatness, our new BYUSA president has swiftly enacted a comprehensive list of executive decisions to take effect immediately. Take a look: Reducing the radical cost of vending machine sandwiches The chicken bacon ranch ciabatta will now cost only 50 cents Securing the border between UVU and BYU campus The border will be strengthened to prevent the flow of progressive … Continue reading New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

Kim Possible
Life

FOR SALE: Provo Spring/Summer Contracts

Are you part of the 3% student population looking to move to Provo this spring and summer? Lucky for you, there are lots of available housing options. Save a desperate student a lot of internal stress and money by purchasing one of these contracts!   Shane Reese’s Office MALE private bedroom selling for spring/summer Rent: $677 in Cougarcash + utilities -AMAZING WARD: has all the … Continue reading FOR SALE: Provo Spring/Summer Contracts

Kim Possible
Life

Six Ways to Bypass the Line at the Neighborhood Walmart

Flirt with someone 4 carts in front of you. Reel them in by mentioning your parent’s fleet of jet skis or flashing your Costco card. If you’re hot enough, they’ll fall for it and let you proceed them in line. Hold hands with someone of the same gender. It’s like the cheese touch but in Utah—the people around you will take 3 steps back, allowing … Continue reading Six Ways to Bypass the Line at the Neighborhood Walmart

Kim Possible