Author: Anya Forger

News

Lonely Man Brings Back Scratcher to Sacrament Meeting

The back scratching phenomenon is one of the most fascinating nuances of Utah’s unique cultural landscape. Walk into any YSA sacrament meeting and you’ll see dozens of young women scratching their boyfriend’s backs. Is this a show of affection? Are they marking their territory? Are half the men in Provo plagued with some mysterious itchy rash? Driven by curiosity, one lonely young man decided to … Continue reading Lonely Man Brings Back Scratcher to Sacrament Meeting

Anya Forger
News

Devastating! She’s Just Using You For Your Ikon Pass

Once the snow melts, Utah therapists are flooded with thousands of heartbroken young skiers. Cuffing season ends and dumping season begins when dating an Ikon Pass holder becomes less important than securing an invite to Lake Powell. If you hold an Ikon Pass, please read the following cautionary tales to prevent emotional turmoil in the spring.  “I can’t believe I fell for the slut strands … Continue reading Devastating! She’s Just Using You For Your Ikon Pass

Anya Forger
Featured, News

Professor Who Bible Swears Kind of Pushing It Today

The Alternate Universe is dedicated to delivering the most accurate news to the people of Provo. So when our informants told us about a section of American Heritage with a waitlist of 127 students, we knew we had to do some investigative journalism. After just a few minutes in the lecture hall, an undercover AU reporter discovered the reason for the section’s popularity: Dr. Patrick … Continue reading Professor Who Bible Swears Kind of Pushing It Today

Anya Forger
Campus, Life

Top Finals Week Tips for Freshmen

Attention, freshmen! As finals week approaches, you may find yourself regretting your choice of educational institution. At this point in the semester, 89% of first year students say they want to transfer to UVU. The remaining 11% say they would like to leave civilization and start a homestead. But don’t despair, this article contains a foolproof methodology that will ensure your finals go smoothly and … Continue reading Top Finals Week Tips for Freshmen

Anya Forger
Life

Top 5 Hottest Book of Mormon Villains

With their rippling pecs and flattering words, Book of Mormon villains are some of the hottest around. But which one takes the prize for The Zaddy of Zarahemla? Read on to find out! 5. King Noah Who doesn’t love a hard partying player with a bad-boy vibe? His deep pockets and glamorous friends don’t hurt, either. King Noah now does summer sales to maintain his … Continue reading Top 5 Hottest Book of Mormon Villains

Anya Forger