Author: Anya Forger

Featured, Life

Provo Couple Opens Sex With Invocation, Closes With Benediction

In their two years of marriage, Natalee and Braeden Miller have never once had sex without opening and closing with prayer.  “We usually sing a rest hymn too,” Natalee explains. “Our favorites are Love At Home and Come, Come, Ye Saints. Our bishop actually recommended it!” “I absolutely did not recommend that,” says an appalled Bishop Lawson. “I don’t know where they got the idea … Continue reading Provo Couple Opens Sex With Invocation, Closes With Benediction

Anya Forger
Campus, Life

Girl Vocal Point Collaborates with JoJo Siwa, Horrifies Thousands

Tired of being referred to as “girl Vocal Point,” a cappella ensemble Noteworthy was desperate for a rebrand. The group decided to collaborate with former Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa to add a touch of edginess to their persona. However, their medley of JoJo’s single “Karma” and Frozen’s “Let it Go” left onlookers more alarmed than awestruck.  “I’m going to be honest. When I heard … Continue reading Girl Vocal Point Collaborates with JoJo Siwa, Horrifies Thousands

Anya Forger
Life, News

Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

You’ve heard of the NCMO, the 2nd Wife, and the Civil Marriage. Get ready for the eight latest beverage concoctions from everyone’s favorite soda chain! COCONUT CONCUBINE: Water from King Henry’s hot tub with raspberry and coconut cream. THE SWEATY VELOUR: White Monster infused with Blink-182 covers and a mentally ill bass player. DISFELLOWSHIPPED: 7-Up with strawberry and a disciplinary vibe check. TUNNEL SINGING GROPE: … Continue reading Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

Anya Forger
Campus, Featured, News

Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

It’s that time of year. Summer sales recruiters are descending on the Cougareat like a plague of charismatic locusts. One Vivint rep has been staggeringly successful. In a single day, Brosh Duncan managed to convince two thousand freshmen to spend their summers hawking solar panels. “There’s something really believable about Brosh,” says Tyler Bowman, a recent recruit. “He’s such a cool guy!” However, there’s more … Continue reading Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

Anya Forger
Featured, News, Sports

Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done.  “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

Anya Forger