The allegations are innumerable. With multiple disturbing accounts of strange student behavior occurring on campus, Provo residents are starting to suspect that the Student Health Center is to blame.

“I heard they are testing mind-control drugs that can induce supernatural powers. The name of the experiment is something like “Project BY-Ultra.” stated Brison Weiss, a true crime enthusiast.

Rumor has it that the student health center is preying on the most gifted members of the BYU campus population and by doing so, have successfully produced paranormal results.

“My roommate started acting weird after his flu shot appointment. The next day I swear I saw him shake a vending machine with his mind to get free Mr. Pibb. I don’t know what’s going on, but this is disturbing.” said Steve Ferrington, feeling extremely unsettled.

Despite their efforts to acquire more knowledge, investigators have failed to obtain confessions from the suspected criminals.

In response to intense questioning, Martin Vrenner, a student nurse, stated, “Nothing to see here!” as he slowly backed away until he was out of sight.

We hope to one day uncover the entire truth related to this egregious experimentation. In the meantime, we advise you to beware of unusual human activity on campus and consider alternative healthcare options.