Here at The Alternate Universe, we receive all kinds of messages–ransom notes, declarations of love and adoration, world domination plans, you name it. As of late, we have received a particular influx of paranormal reports. Specifically, we are receiving accounts of cryptid sightings on BYU campus. As your primary source of the latest news, we are morally and legally obligated to provide you with the facts as we know them so far. For your convenience, we have compiled a comprehensive list of BYU’s most common cryptid sightings this season:
The MARB Monster
“You ever seen Monster House?” says student J.D. Marbell, “It’s literally that except it’s the MARB.” Reports show that the building itself has transformed into a terrifying beast that devours FSY kids, hopes, dreams, and followers of MARB hate pages on Instagram.
The Student Body
Rumor has it that ever since the medical school was announced, a ghostly anatomical model of a college student has been floating around campus, muttering random medical terminology everywhere it passes.
The Cosmorph
Students are claiming to see their own peers transforming into actual cougars and doing backflips under full moons. Witnesses also report hearing the fight song being howled through the night.
The Phantom of the Bell Tower
According to our sources, the bell tower is actually home to a strange, cloaked individual. Music major Chris Steen says, “Everyone thinks the bells are from a campus class. It’s actually just this one dude who threatens anyone else that tries to play them.”
The University Guest
This is perhaps our most bone chilling record we have received. Students have noticed a strange aura coming from the University Guest House on South Campus. All photographs of the Guest come out looking like an unidentifiable entity, making it impossible for witnesses to determine its intentions.
We invite our readers to take note of these sightings and take the responsibility of updating us on strange sightings and happenings.
The Fat Cat
You’ve been to Fat Cats. You’ve seen the iconography of the classic black cat, but have you ever seen a cat so fat? Recent reports claim to have spotted the flabby feline roaming the night. Some say they can hear a distant purr of approval whenever someone bowls a strike.