FOR SALE: Provo Spring/Summer Contracts

Are you part of the 3% student population looking to move to Provo this spring and summer? Lucky for you, there are lots of available housing options. Save a desperate student a lot of internal stress and money by purchasing one of these contracts!

 

Shane Reese’s Office

MALE private bedroom
selling for spring/summer
Rent: $677 in Cougarcash + utilities

-AMAZING WARD: has all the general authorities

-fully-stocked walk-in sneaker closet

-All-access key to the Marb dungeon AND the Belltower

-Direct phone line to President Russell M Nelson

 

University Guest House

MALE or FEMALE contract

6 bedroom, 6 bathroom

Rent: $145 per month + utilities (around $7521 total)

Amenities:

-0 minute walk to campus

-washer and dryer (only takes quarters)

-self-playing pipe organ

-portal to the second dimension

-indoor basketball court

-cursed copy of the lost 116 pages

-indoor waterpark

-chest with Thomas S. Monson’s beating heart

 

Comes with complimentary roommate: the guest house ghost aka “the guest”

 

MB Family Bathroom

MALE or FEMALE contract

-0 bedroom, 1 bathroom

Rent: 0.000025671 BTC

Amenities:

-free toilet paper

-pull-out desk

-quiet, secluded

 

Budge Hall Room 103

Resident is getting married this April so needs to sell!!

MALE shared bedroom

Rent: $550 + $899 parking pass + $300 transfer fee + $267 just cuz

Amenities:

-4 minute walk from Rancheritos

-3:1 ward girl-to-guy ratio

-3 Taco Bell hot sauce packets left by previous roommates

-community shower (never shower alone!)

 

Smith Fieldhouse

Being sold by Tom Holmoe due to his retirement

1 bedroom, 17 bathroom

Rent: 57 built bars/month

Amenities:

free parking

-Legends Grille meal pass

-furnished gym

-indoor track

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