In the season of unexpected snowstorms and uninvited professions of love come the nemesis of every college student: midterms. According to reliable sources, one local student has declared that she is “completely screwed” for all her upcoming exams.

“I just don’t know what to do,” freshman Carolyne Carter lamented. “I thought the semester started a few days ago, and now I’ve got tests and projects breathing down my neck. Did I just black out for the past four weeks?”

Apparently, the realization hit Carter when she overheard classmates talking about creating a study guide for the test– an exam which she did not know existed until Monday. According to her, her folly was well-intentioned, if not a little distracted: “I’ve just been playing Solitaire on my laptop during every class, and now I actually gotta do the work? Crud. I’m honestly going to fail.”

Opening the exam materials was another nasty shock for the hapless student. “I didn’t recognize a single term on the study guide. Seriously guys, I am cooked. I am beyond saving.”

Carter was last seen clutching her Swig bottle for comfort and, despite all her academic worries, scrolling TikTok. Only time will tell whether she is able to get a passing grade on her UNIV 101 exam.