From the first day any of us set foot on campus and saw the beautiful Centennial Carillon Tower, we’ve all been wondering the exact same thing: how much bell could a bell tower tow if a bell tower could tow bell? Well, unfortunately, these facts will not address that question in the slightest.

1. The bell tower was reportedly built.

2. It was originally called the Babybel Tower, but the name was changed following the revelation that cheese was against the Word of Wisdom.

3. The bell tower is taller than three rats in a trench coat.

4. The bell tower is usually silent during the day, but it is said that the most foolish of students can hear “Come, Come Ye Saints” play every half hour.

5. Contrary to popular belief, the $7 Luxe Cravings Box can indeed be purchased at the top.

6. You can’t take the bell tower home because it is too big.

7. Every Saturday at 9 p.m., the bell tower plays “Piano Man” by Billy Joel, but you’ve probably never even been around to hear it, huh?

8. Bell tower? I hardly know her!

9. The Mongol conquests of the 13th and 14th centuries are almost entirely unrelated to the bell tower.

10. The ogre that resides within the tower will remain passive if presented with seven different types of off-brand Dr. Pepper.

11. The bell tower is a mediocre choice for a first date destination.

12. The top of the tower used to house the flaming, all-seeing eye of an ancient jewelry-obsessed demon, but it was replaced with bells after being deemed too problematic.

13. The only way to get to the top of the tower is to jump really, really high on a trampoline. If you cannot afford a trampoline, one will be provided for you.

14. The bell tower was reportedly not built, but formed by natural forces over millions of years.