It is once again time for the beloved Giving Machines to start popping up for the holiday season. This initiative from the LDS Church is an admirable effort to support humanitarianism and kindness. However, recent reports are revealing that this push for charity has left some demographics feeling alienated; particularly the Utah County upper class. 

In order to bridge this gap, Brileigheigh Lee, local trust fund student is introducing the Giving Machine Plus: An enhanced vending machine for elitists who want to give back. The machine will feature gift options that Brighleigheigh calls “less discriminating” to the more glamorous of the population.

“I just think it’d be more inclusive if the giving machines didn’t just give stuff to refugees and poor people and stuff. Like, my bestie, Taylessa has been wearing the same pair of Lulus for like a week and I just feel so bad she can’t afford new ones,” says Layla Shupe, a local student.

“I’m planning on using the new Giving Machine to get Ozempic for my roommate–her freshman 15 is starting to show.” says Tami S. Kinny from Heritage Halls.

The Giving Machine Plus will also offer various bribes, spray tans, and VASA memberships. While the first machine is still under construction, Utah residents can expect to see more locations popping up very soon.