In a completely unexpected turn of events, the BYU Football team has had an unbelievable season, blowing past predicted scores and winning six games in a row. In related news, a shocking report from Church Headquarters in Salt Lake City revealed this morning that the manic energy from the ROC section is the sole life force sustaining President Russell M. Nelson.

“We didn’t think he would make it to 100,” a spokesperson told reporters earlier today. “But then, wouldn’t ya know it, the football team went crazy, and the energy from fans has somehow kept him up and running. I swear, after the Kansas State game, he looked 30 years younger- which is still pretty old, but it was incredible to witness. And after last weekend- man, he could have passed for seventy-five!”

This news has energized BYU fans across the nation and led to new levels of excitement and hype for Friday’s game against Oklahoma State. As freshman Rysen Showt says, “The game experience has been insane. I mean, we’ve already forced penalties in the stadium due to our hype- who’s to say we can’t reverse the aging process entirely?”

Junior Roy L. Bleu agrees. “At first, we were just cheering on our boys, but now we’ve got a new mission- to keep Nelson alive for as long as humanly possible. We’re talking immortality here. Nothing’s off the table.”

The BYU football team was largely unavailable for comment, though head coach Kalani Sitake did remark, “Honestly, if it keeps us on top, I see it as an absolute win!”