Recently, reports have been circulating of a very vocal group of male BYU students who are very concerned about balls. With their friends, ball talk. Between classes, they exchange ball stories. Highlight reels of balls on their Explore pages. It’s all ball games, ball tricks, ball up top. Balls, balls, balls.

“The only thing my fiancé wants to talk about is ball games,” complained Emma Wheeler sourly. “Like, isn’t that something that you should worry about after marriage? He’s absolutely nuts about balls!”

“Jake’s ball handling has gotten a lot better. I feel more comfortable in his hands,” said a very visibly excited Rod Chorizo. “My happy place is watching him lob balls down the field while I chomp down on churros.”

Craig Sherrill, an investigative intern with Goldman Sachs, concurred. “Nothing gets me going like a scoop and score. Smoothest ball maneuver I’ve ever seen.”

“I love when the D strips the ball,” said Mark Bundy, who benches 265 for three. “The ball slides out and we start going balls to the wall!”

This revelation comes as Provo prepares to send a team of athletes down to sweat and grind in the Texas heat. “We’re going to come out on top tonight. Hit hard, come back harder. Ball is super important to our school. BYU is going to show Baylor what ball really means!” vowed athletic trainer Richard Johnson.

The Alternate Universe will watch all ball-related news with great interest.