With the position of Democratic nominee suddenly wide open, everyone agrees that Provo has some of the country’s best candidates for the job. Six Utah natives have announced their candidacy and their running mates, and it’s your job to determine who will step up.

Peggy Worthen and Kevin Worthen
Future president Peggy Worthen and passenger princess Kevin Worthen are back in the presidential game with a flipped script. They are entirely unfamiliar with the political scene and are just looking for a good time!

Alma and Amulek
The most legendary missionary companionship of all time bring a profoundly American option to the ballot. Their flattering words come with a deceit-free guarantee and we can safely say that they will not be glutting themselves upon the labors of this people.

Tamale Man and Tamale
A true man of the people, the Tamale Man and his running mate, the tamale, have big plans for the little man. He intends to raise taxes for industries such as Big Tech, Big Pharma, Big Soda Bar, and everything that isn’t specifically Big Tamale.

Joseph Smith Sphinx and Chief Massasoit Statue
Despite our repeated attempts to interview the Joseph Smith Sphinx and the 4th hottest statue on BYU campus, they have remained silent and stone-faced. We can only assume they are planning something absolutely massive and potentially unhinged. Voting for them could be the only way to know for sure.

Redstone Management and Aspen Ridge Management
Your least favorite real estate managers are known rivals of the Man-Tamale ticket, having publicized vastly different economic intentions. Their presidency will focus on raising your rent and imposing a mandatory 15% tip from you to your landlord every month. We’re not sure why they told us this up front.

Alternate Universe Editors

By far the most qualified candidates up to bat, The Alternate Universe editors plan on keeping malicious fake news organizations like The Daily Universe from corrupting the minds of the American people.