Two breeds of bug boy, one following a 13-year sales cycle and the other a 17-year sales cycle, are emerging together to create the largest swarm since 1803.

The bug boys are emerging predominantly in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Illinois, Kentucky, Maryland, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia.

We asked famed entomologist B.E. Tell about this phenomenon. “It’s really fascinating that the summer sales migration follows in much the same pattern as that of an insect brood. Perhaps there is some sort of hive mind that inspires this behavior, much like that of a nest of swarming insects. There even appear to be signs of competition over territory and potential mates in much the same way that rival insects would interact.”

Alabama local Sally Jean Williams is very worried. “I can’t sleep due to the noise. The constant buzz just rattles me to my core.”

You might see some of the weakest sellers returning to Provo these next few weeks, defeated and in debt to their company for bowing out of their contract early. 

 Jayssen Janssen returned after a not-so-successful stint as an alarm system peddler. He wistfully remarked, “I wish I could still be out there, swindling old ladies into thinking they need to pay for a subscription-based security system in a safe suburban neighborhood. It gave me such a rush when I could convince someone that they needed our product when they really didn’t.”

Be wary of bugs this summer: they will come in many different forms. Make sure to stock up on insect repellent and stay away from known bug boy nesting locations like The Village.