Perhaps even the blessings of the temple can be bought out. 

Earlier this month, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints finalized the sale of land that was formerly home to the historic Provo Temple. The buyers belong to a cool sculpting franchise by the name of UglyFattyBodyByeBye Inc., who paid over $300 million for the land.

“We just really love the location. The mountains. The meadows. It’s all just a great view to hate your body to,” said E.E Vell, Vice President of Negative Body Image at UglyFattyBodyByeBye Inc.

Mobs and protesters swarmed the temple grounds when rumors of demolition went public. However, the riots only went on for about 30 minutes.

“They didn’t last long after we started offering BBL coupons,” said CEO of UglyFattyBodyByeBye Core Pratt, who wipes his arse with $100 bills.

“We thought about turning down the offer, but not that hard,” said church financial officer Mo Kneigh, who was visibly counting stacks of cash while being interviewed.

While many questions have been answered, many still remain. Has Provo sold its soul to the highest bidder? Is anything sacred anymore? How much for the tummy tuck again? Perhaps only time will tell.