Missionary Realizes New Testament is Actually Fire

Today, Elder Michael McMasterson of the Australia Melbourne Mission admitted that he started reading the New Testament for the first time earlier this week.

In an email he wrote: “I never knew this, but the New Testament is actually fire. Jesus and Paul really be saying a lot of dope stuff.”

McMastersons’ parents, Donny and Mary, are both elated and disappointed: “He’s 20-years-old and we always told him to read other scriptures besides the first three chapters of 1 Nephi. He finally started reading other books of the Book of Mormon and Bible in month 22 of his mission. I guess it’s better late than never.”

Elder Jamison Deanson, McMasteron’s new senior companion reportedly said, “He’s been telling me, ‘You know we should actually use this in our lesson prep,’ I had to tell him that I’ve been doing that for weeks.

McMasterson was also able to do a lot of reading about Easter and the events leading up to it. “Yo, I never realized how crazy that week was. When I got to Friday I was like, ‘They really had us in the first half,’ and when I read about Sunday I was like, ‘We’re so back.'”