In an effort to be more frugal and efficient with his weekly meals, sophomore Jeighdyn Jensen has come up with an ingenious plan: Buy all his pizza ahead of time. 

“I reckoned that I could eat one pizza a day, give or take a couple slices. I figured ten was a good round number and that would give me a little extra leeway if I was extra hungry one day or wanted a snack,” said Jensen.

The eager sophomore is an avid consumer of cheap pizza and made the trek into his local Little Caesars to place an order of gargantuan portions. Local Little Caesars general manager Tony said, “Yeah so this kid comes in, he says ‘Gimme ten pizzas.’ I says ‘Ok, but it’ll be twenty minutes till they’re ready.’ I ask the guy if he’s throwing a party and he says, ‘Nah they’re just for me. I’m meal-prepping.’ Never seen anything like it.”

“My guy literally has like a dozen stale, dried-out pizzas on the counter in our kitchen. I’m pretty sure Little Caesars pizza is only good for like an hour before it gets crunchy. I don’t think his colon is gonna’ make it through the week,” said Ethan Sorensen, Jensen’s concerned roommate. 

When asked about how the program was working out for him, Jensen said, “Yeah, my breath hasn’t been great and my heartburn is pretty killer, but I saved a lot of time that I would have otherwise wasted on cooking. I think this is an exciting new way to maximize the way I use my time!”

Jensen is currently halfway through his stack of pizzas.