The back scratching phenomenon is one of the most fascinating nuances of Utah’s unique cultural landscape. Walk into any YSA sacrament meeting and you’ll see dozens of young women scratching their boyfriend’s backs. Is this a show of affection? Are they marking their territory? Are half the men in Provo plagued with some mysterious itchy rash? Driven by curiosity, one lonely young man decided to find out for himself.

“I’ve never been able to find a girlfriend, but I did find a back scratcher display at the pharmacy,” says Easton Harris. “I figured I’d give it a try and see what all the hype was about.”

The next Sunday, Easton attended sacrament meeting armed with his shiny new back scratcher. “A few people gave me weird looks, but I think they were just jealous. I bet this is how Thomas Edison felt when he invented the lightbulb. Brilliant. Untouchable. Genius.”

Easton’s creative and slightly desperate thinking inadvertently started a movement. “Back scratchers are flying off the shelves right now,” says Peter Moore, owner of a local Walgreens. “We can’t keep them in stock. I hear that black market prices are skyrocketing too. Guys are fighting over the things in back alleys. I guess what they say about the last days are true – wars and rumors of wars.”

Last night, news of an upcoming shipment of back scratchers was leaked. Hundreds of young men camped outside of the Orem Walmart in the freezing cold, hoping to get their hands on a coveted back scratcher when the store opened. However, not everyone is  excited about the innovation. 

“This is ridiculous!” says Emeleigh Jensen, a serial sacrament meeting back scratcher. “You can’t just BUY something like that! It’s a privilege that has to be earned!” 

Despite the controversy, the BYU Store will be releasing BYU branded back scratchers once the supply chain returns to normal. The scratcher part will be shaped like one of Cosmo’s paws and the handle will be signed by President Reese. Make sure to pre order!