The Alternate Universe is dedicated to delivering the most accurate news to the people of Provo. So when our informants told us about a section of American Heritage with a waitlist of 127 students, we knew we had to do some investigative journalism.

After just a few minutes in the lecture hall, an undercover AU reporter discovered the reason for the section’s popularity: Dr. Patrick Coyle. Dr. Coyle understands that no one likes American Heritage. He also understands that a tiny flame of rebellion burns within the heart of every BYU freshman.

The best way to win their attention and loyalty? Bible swearing.

“Look, some of the founding fathers were crazy as hell,” Dr. Coyle said to his enraptured audience. “But they wrote a damn good Constitution.”

Last semester, Dr. Coyle earned a seemingly impossible 5.1 star rating on Rate My Professor. “I just trust the guy,” said Jackson Skinner, a freshman majoring in mechanical engineering. Plus, I always kind of wanted to feel a little edgier. Taking this class was easier than learning how to skateboard.”

“When I told my mom I wanted to watch Spongebob, she panicked and signed me up for marching band,” said Kylie Brown, elementary education major. “I thought about getting another ear piercing to get back at her, but then I heard about this class!”

“Someone said this class was rated R,” mused Ethan Hancock, finance major. “The R definitely stands for rad.”

However, too much of a good thing can cause problems. According to a survey conducted by our statistics department, the kids yearn to be edgy, but not too edgy.

“Yeah, Dr. Coyle was kind of pushing it today,” TA Jamie Hansen remarked. “I counted like seven “dangs” and eight “hecks.” If he wants to keep getting rave reviews, he needs to stick to palatable rebellion.”

After class ended, our reporter interviewed the infamous foulmouthed professor. “A guy’s got to get tenure somehow,” Dr. Coyle said, taking a pull of Diet Coke. “And I think I found a damn near foolproof way to do it.”