BYU football fans gathered outside LaVell Edwards Stadium for a candlelight vigil in memory of the school’s reputation as a top quarterback institution. This comes after a rough week for BYU alumni Jaren Hall (injured) and Zach Wilson (benched mid-game) and after a couple of rough games for the college’s quarterbacks.

The starting spot for BYU’s helmsman is still in the air, with the very green Jake Retzlaff competing with the injured and much maligned Kedon Slovis. There was significant improvement on Saturday, but much is still desired.

“This too shall pass,” said Kalani Sitake, current coach and future apostle. “And it won’t be at the one yard line this time.”

“What Kalani’s not considering is how this will affect my legacy,” says C. Shane Reese, sentient Ken doll and BYU president. “How can I be the coolest BYU president in history if my quarterbacks play like this? At least women’s soccer is kicking butt.”

“I remember when BYU was the go-to spot for promising young quarterbacks,” said Hannah Roosevelt, the mortician leading the vigil “Hopefully we can remind these guys it’s go time. This season has been sadder than when Rancherito’s closed for like two seconds this summer.”

“We’re glad our state’s college students are so focused on what matters. Revitalizing BYU QB play is a national priority,” said Utah Senators (and BYU alumni) Mike Lee and Mitt Romney in a rare joint statement. “We will be diverting 1.2 trillion in the next national budget to studying what exactly went wrong.”

“Goo goo gah gah,” gurgled Amulek McHenry a newborn who will one day lead a resurgent BYU to the program’s second National Championship and receive the coveted Heisman Trophy twice.