Ladies, have you noticed the men in your life staring off into space after reading in Mosiah? How often does your boyfriend/fiancé/second cousin think about Captain Moroni, Alma the Younger, and King Benjamin? Has he ever said something like “Teancum was such a boss” or “Man, I wish Helaman was still around” or “I wrote in Pahoran for city council?” If so, you may be entitled to emotional compensation.

A trend has swept Mormondom in recent weeks, and apparently the average male in the Provo-Orem area thinks about Zarahemla and the war chapters on a frequent basis.

We went ahead and asked an average male. “I don’t know, I probably think about the Nephites every like, three days?” said Justin Case, a pre-business student from Pleasant Grove. “Is that enough?

New marriages have seen some strain. “I know that Conrad thinks about the Nephites more than he thinks about me,” Qortni Davis, elementary education major, said with tears in her eyes. “I asked him where his mojo dojo casa house would be and he said ‘right by Moroni’s.’”

“Bro, can you imagine being ministering companions with like a stripling warrior or Ammon or Himni? Dude, if Amulek was my bishop I’d go to the temple every DAY,” said Conrad Davis, husband of Qortni.

This phenomenon is not limited to the Davises. Seth Allen, who we interrupted eating his Papa John’s, said “Yeah, it’s not a daily thing for me, but I would say I fantasize about fighting Amalickiah about once a week.”

Antipus Brinton, an eligible bachelor, agrees. “The Title of Liberty was like the peak of humanity. Just powerful stuff. Zarahemla for LIFE, dude!”

This has had at least some positive effects. At least one professional Mutual swiper, Eleanor Fanning, has been reading her scriptures more diligently since the trend started. “I want to be able to talk with my future husband about Nephite currency and how the pride cycle applies to our day.”
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to go and fantasize about defending the city of Noah.