As part of a series of revelatory changes involving Church structure and meeting organization, the First Presidency announced this morning that, beginning with the October 2023 Session, General Conference will now feature a voting system not unlike that of the popular reality TV show America’s Got Talent.

As detailed in the surprise press conference, each member of the First Presidency will be able to vote on whether or not a talk has the merit necessary to continue. Standards for voting out could include (but are not limited to) long, uninteresting stories, emotional outbursts, spoken lyrics to hymns, and failed jokes. “If we don’t feel the Spirit, we don’t want to hear it,” commented Henry B. Eyring, sitting calmly at his judge’s table. Those who are voted out will likely be released from their GA calling and reassigned to serve as either seminary teacher or in the nursery.

In addition to the “vote-out” system, this year’s Conference will include a Golden Buzzer. Reports indicate that should a member of the First Presidency press the Golden Buzzer, the speaker will be immediately translated to the Celestial Kingdom.

The Presidency hopes this will make conference more enjoyable not only for them, but for all viewers. Not all share the enthusiasm, however.

“The Savior said ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged,’ but we’ve been getting a lot of stinkers lately,” said Dallin H. Oaks.

“I’ve rewritten my talk seven times,” commented Orville Y. Bannister, a recently called Seventy. “They asked me to speak on Saturday Church Cleaning. How in Joseph’s name am I supposed to make that interesting?!”

UPDATE: Due to his recent injury, President Nelson will be voting from home. We pray that he makes a speedy recovery and that his TV doesn’t experience any delays.