BYU’s top rated dance group was absent from the most recent game due to complaints related to their song choice… a clean version of “Plain Jane” by A$AP Ferg. Now, they’ve come to a compromise to right this grievous wrong. Amid first performance backlash, the Cougarettes have agreed to smooth things over by dancing to  music only found in the Primary Children’s Songbook. They’ve got a lineup for the coming games featuring clean hits that the LaVell Edwards stadium fans and those watching at home will be sure to love including “Once there was a Snowman”, “The Fourth Article of Faith”, “Pioneer Children” and “Do as I’m doing”.

“We are deeply apologetic for bringing so much hype to the thousands in the LaVell Edwards Stadium,” said a mortified official Cougarettes guy Tom Holmoe. “We will do everything in our power to make sure this gross error never occurs again.”

At press time, not one of the Cougarettes was asked about how they felt about it.