Every semester, the students who dwell in the Greater Provo Metropolitan Area must grow accustomed to new classes, roommates, apartments, and suspicious smells. For at least four students in [redacted] Apartments (a Redstone property), the new sights, sounds, and tastes of their apartment included the local cryptid–their roommate. Or at least, what they assume to be their roommate.

Jaryn Wylson, a sophomore at BYU, was the one who put the pieces together. “There was unaccounted-for hair lurking in the sink, which was weird because none of us who I’ve met even need to shave. Massive flip flops lurked by the front door, and there was a lot of fish and vegetables in the fridge. Now, I don’t want to say Cain is my roommate, but… y’know.”

Ethan Falcon, a liberal, agrees. “Everyone thought it was my food because I’m vegan, but I clearly marked all of my food with a sharpie in little Tupperware containers.” Their third roommate, Heber LaMar Cannon, was enthused when approached for comment by the Alternate Universe. “It’s kind of grainy, but if you look at my BeReal I took while moving in, there’s a super tall dude with a five o’clock shadow standing in the doorway of the bathroom!” The shape in question had been circled with yellow highlighter in Photoshop, but it was unclear if it was a person or a towel.
The last of the roommates, Landon Whitten, was busy at VASA and unable to comment.

Surprisingly, this is not the first time a cryptid has been reported in Provo. A mythical creature called C. Shane Reese allegedly even runs the university through the shadowy Honor Code Office, and the trail up to the Y has several potholes the shape of gargantuan human feet.

S. Q. Squatch, the local beard card holder, has confirmed that he lives in or near a Redstone property, but would rather focus on his degree than on confirming what species he belongs to. “BYU is supposed to be a safe space for all of God’s creatures, and no one in computer science asks too many questions about hygiene,” said Squatch. “I’m just looking forward to Thanksgiving when I can gather with my kin in the woods of the Northwest and take really poor quality family photos.”