The ongoing construction on BYU campus has resulted in some breathtaking archaeological finds. Today, C. Shane Reese, the new president of the university, confirmed that the famed Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon was retrieved from what used to be the north face of the library. 

“This is a fantastic find,” says Reese, “and I know that the First Presidency is ecstatic. President Oaks did a backflip when I told him!”

There have been several other groundbreaking discoveries. The BYU Department of Anthropology announced Friday that the Holy Grail, or a chalice matching its description, was found in the rubble of the Harris Fine Arts Center. Further testing is required to confirm its identity, but the cup exactly resembles one from the 1989 classic film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  “I knew it,” said ’80s movie buff and BYU geology professor Randy Darsh. It is currently being kept in the most secure and secretive building on campus, the Museum of Art.

At press time, there were reports that a sword stuck in a stone was also among the items found by what is referred to as Freshman Hill by the Tanner building. As yet, these rumors are unconfirmed, but Buckingham Palace is allegedly arranging a quiet trip to Provo for the recently crowned King Charles III to prove his divinely ordained right to the English throne by removing the sword from the stone. Further updates will be published as events warrant.