Hey all you freshman with misplaced horniness, listen up. It’s about time we had the talk.

When two people like each other very much – they decide to date each other. Inside of just kissing each other at the Duck Pond late at night and ignoring each other throughout the day, two mature people eventually like each other enough to put labels on their relationship. This often results them becoming official and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. You guys following?

Better yet, people in relationships often like to spend with the other person – even at the expense of their comfort. This is most often seen when unsuspecting boyfriends end up going to their girlfriend’s ward on a Relief Society and Elders Quorum Sunday.

After a great first hour of back scratches and 8-ball pool through text, sacrament ends and visiting significant others are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They either have to sit through an awkward elders quorum or deny God himself and skip second hour. It can be a tough for many boyfriends but thankfully, the church just made it a lot easier.

The church announced this morning that a new second-hour option will be available for all refugee boyfriends who are lost after sacrament meeting. This new meeting to be named, ‘The Meeting of the Wise Virgins’, will be a safe space for all boyfriends who don’t want to sit in on an awkward elders quorum with complete strangers.

“We’re all about facilitating the growth of potential families in the church,” President Dallin H. Oaks told the Alternate Universe. “If this new ‘Meeting of the Wise Virgins’ helps this sad generation of little boys have a shot at a beautiful young woman, then I’m all for it.”

This exciting news sparked

“Thank goodness!” Shad Jinglemoney told the Alternate Universe. “I’ve been hiding in the men’s bathroom reading my scriptures during second hour for months!”