The Church of Jesus Christ’s fascination with the founding father has always been a little much. To be fair, it is easy to see how important their sacrifices and courageous leadership was towards the restoration of our church. But it always felt like they were just a bit over-enthusiastic.

This enthusiasm was confirmed this President’s Day as the church announced that they were making George Washington an honorary apostle. Washington and several other President’s to be named later will now be honored with title and role of an Apostle in our church.

“This historic move will mark the unification between God’s church and God’s country,” President Nelson said in a recent press conference. “President Washington will now have all the responsibilities and blessings that us apostles have.”

This news came to a shock to many as most did not see the point. Brooker’s Ice Cream employee, Jordan River, had this to say about the recent change.

“I’m glad to see such a historic figure rightfully take his place among the leaders of our church. I’m confident he would have accepted the calling if he got the chance.”

Through telepathic communication and spiritual rituals, the Alternate Universe was lucky enough to get the opinion of George Washington himself and see his perspective on the new assignment.

“You’re telling me I got a calling after I died? That’s lame. Well at least the next life is still awesome. Think of Disney World but without the Disney and double the Hot Moms.”