It’s no secret that America is facing a heartbreaking egg shortage right now. Stores are buckling under the pressure of trying to sell eggs they don’t have. Roommates grapple with contention as eggs are stolen from their prized cartons. Vegetarians waste away, unable to consume their singular source of protein.

Anguished by these events, a faithful son of God by the name of The Brother of Shmared cried out to the Lord. As he knelt in prayer in his backyard, pouring out the yearnings of his heart, a great light filled his field of vision. Out of this light came an unmistakable human finger, which began to touch the scattered rocks in his backyard one by one.

“Now I have about $200 worth of eggs, so like 2 dozen!” exclaimed The Brother of Shmared.

It’s unclear if he is lying or not, as this description of a heavenly Easter hunt is difficult to believe. Would God perform the same act of turning stones to eggs, as he would of turning stones to lamps as he did for the Brother of Jared? According to The Brother of Shmared, he would and he did.

“If ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, He will manifest the eggs unto you, by the power of His heavenly hand,” he concluded.