As families, friends, and couples worldwide rang in the New Year, celebrations varied from place to place. Some opted for a low-key movie marathon at home, while others hit the streets for a night of partying. However, two elders in the Texas McAllen Mission celebrated with a huge misunderstanding. 

Excited by the premise of a new year and a new beginning, Elder Jackalopeton leaned in and planted a smooch on his unknowing companion, Elder Smithsonleigh. Elder Smithsonleigh, immediately frightened and disturbed, ran out of the companionship’s apartment to tell his mission president. As Elder Smithsonleigh made his escape, Elder Jackalopeton cried out, “Hey! It’s supposed to be good to kiss the homies goodnight!” 

“I don’t want to serve with Elder Jackalopeton anymore,” said Elder Smithsonleigh, distraught and still wearing his 2023 bedazzled glasses. “I didn’t even really want to stay up until midnight since we still have to get up at 6:30 in the morning, but he wanted to ring in the new year, and now I know why.” 

“Elder Smithsonleigh is just being lame,” complained Elder Jackalopeton. “It is completely normal to want to kiss your homies, and a companion is the ultimate homie, the very epitome of a brother in Christ.” He denied any romantic feelings towards any of his companions, adding that he repeated the mantra “no homo” five times every day, and made sure to whisper “no homo” before he planted that ill-fated kiss on Elder Smithsonleigh. 

In a bittersweet ending, Elder Jackalopeton will be assigned to a new zone within the Texas McAllen Mission, never to unnerve Elder Smithsonleigh again.