It’s the most wonderful time of the year. After a long drive in icy conditions or a hectic flight via Spirit Airlines, many of you have finally made it home. Now comes the dreaded question of why you’re still single. Fear not, for we have a list. We have compiled a collection of answers to give parents, nosy aunts, and random people from your home ward after church. We have also included a rating of potential effectiveness.
- “I’m just too successful. Everyone finds me intimidating.” 9/10. It’s pretty believable considering that’s what people said when no one asked you out to the high school dance.
- “I’m dating Jesus.” 2/10. This is a general Christian excuse that doesn’t really fit all (LDS) Church doctrines, but there is a chance that it might work.
- “I am dating. They just don’t want to meet you.” 8/10. Your parents will suddenly be okay with your single status once you confess 24 hours later.
- “I was dating someone for a few months, but we just found out we’re second cousins.” 10/10. This will work, especially if you’re from Utah. Just be prepared to answer some questions about lineage. If your extended family is on the smaller side, you may want to say that you’re fourth cousins.
- “No one else wants to wait until marriage to kiss.” 6/10. This will only work if your parents did the same thing.
- “Tom Holland won’t return my DMs asking him to get baptized.” 8/10. They’ll understand. If you were to say Adam Driver, though…
- “I’m saving myself for Nephi.” 8/10. Unfortunately this only works if you’re a girl.