You may have heard screams coming from the southeast corner of campus. In the Clyde Building, McFury Tryxton Johansen enjoyed his afternoon snack. One may assume that calling for daddy is a cry for help, so an eighty-five-year-old professor clonked McFury over the head with a chair. Days later, when McFury finally woke up, Dr. Griswold discovered the frightening truth – McFury was making out.

Twitter, or whatever is left of it, exploded.

“All forms of PDA should be banned,” said BYU’s Virginity Club. The Anti-NCMO Movement retweeted the sentiment.

“First it was the durfing, then it was the soaking, for a hot second there were armpit crabs…now biting?? This has gone too far,” tweeted President Nelson. “We now redact the Law of Chastity. Just go for it. Nobody cares anymore, as long as we don’t have to see any more kinks.”

“The Honor Code really is a double-edged sword,” says sophomore engineering student, Taylee Jones. “On one hand, you prevent students from getting pregnant. On the other hand…let’s just say that some things should only be done in private, like in a freaking bedroom like normal people.”

In addition to the redaction of the Law of Chastity, the Honor Code has now been amended to include a full ban of all PDA. Campus will finally be a peaceful place. Thank you, McFury Tryxton, for your monumental sacrifice.