When Elder John Bennett and Elder Ethan Howe were abducted by the Riddler, they weren’t worried. They had seen The Saratov Approach and knew that only good things happened to kidnapped missionaries. Like the good Mormon boys they were, they kneeled down and prayed for a miracle.
The miracle they received wasn’t what they expected. Not an angel of heaven, but a Dark Knight. The masked vigilante Batman swooped in and saved the two elders from the supervillain. He released them from the Riddler’s trap and took the criminal to Arkham Asylum.
“At first, we thought it was some kind of demon, maybe a monster, even a Jehovah’s Witness,” says Howe. “However, we soon saw that he was just another child of God.”
Bennett and Howe had been serving in the Gotham West Mission for months, but had never seen the infamous Caped Crusader. It turns out, he’d never seen them either.
“I’d been protecting this city for years, but had never talked to any missionaries,” says Batman. “I wish I had met them earlier. I am the shadows, but I never knew how much I missed the light.”
After this chance meeting, Batman began regularly meeting with the missionaries. One month and eight lessons later, Batman has decided to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
According to Bennett, “We were surprised. He didn’t seem to be taking to the lessons very well, but then he really latched on to the message that families can be eternal.”
“I’m not an orphan,” says Batman. “But I’m also not not an orphan. But I’m definitely not an orphan. I don’t miss my parents. You miss your parents. Shut up.”
Whether he is an orphan or not, the Dark Knight will be baptized at 2pm this Saturday at the local LDS meetinghouse. All are invited to attend.
After his baptism, Batman has decided to retire from crime fighting to focus on his spiritual progress. “It’s time to develop my relationship with the Savior. Gotham will have to protect itself for a while, at least until I finish reading the Book of Mormon.”
In unrelated news, billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne has stopped drinking coffee.