Once again, we have reached the season of midterm elections. Utah has the chance to decide who will represent them in the Senate and House of Representatives. There are many issues on the table. Inflation, crime, the environment, education, and civil rights are all on the table. Is our democracy and civilization on the brink of destruction? Yes. Here’s five things you need to know.

1. If elected, Senate candidate Evan McMullin has vowed to bring the vigilante known as the Batman to justice. According to McMullin, “This masked menace has terrorized the Beehive State for far too long. If I am made Senator, I will ensure he is brought in and charged for his crimes.” Senator Lee has yet to comment on the matter, but some have noticed a giant bat shaped spotlight on Senator Lee’s roof.
2. FACT CHECK: Despite his recent claims, Senator Mike Lee is not the son of famed actor and martial artist Bruce Lee. We’re not sure how he expected anyone to believe this. Everyone knows Mike Lee is a black belt in karate, while Bruce Lee was a master of Jeet Kune Do.
3. Recent polls show 93% of Utahns think Barack Obama and Burgess Owens are the same person. The Alternate Universe has been able to confirm from multiple sources that they are not in fact the same person. However, we will continue monitoring the situation for updates.
4. As is tradition in Utah, Mitt Romney has sworn to box whoever wins the Senate race. Iron Mitt has been practicing his footwork for weeks, and is prepared for whatever comes. If Lee is to win, Romney has promised he will knock him out within three rounds. 
5. Praying for the right person to win is now seen as a valid form of voting in the state of Utah. Whereas one had to go to a voting place, cast a ballot, and participate in the democratic process, fasting and prayer to the Lord of Hosts is now allowed and encouraged according to Governor Cox; “We have to bring the Lord into it.”