As news broke that the members of the boy-band BTS had been called to serve in their country’s military, millions of quirky white girls were devastated. You can only imagine the outrage when they heard that 69-time Grammy Winning Group, BYU Vocal Point, was the next to fall.

“I ripped down the American flag hanging outside my parents’ third house,” Renzie Wood snapchatted The Alternate Universe. “If that’s how our country is going to treat our national heroes, then maybe I don’t want to be a part of this country anymore.”

BYU Vocal Point announced on their LinkedIn that the group will be “temporarily disbanded” until they completed a 45-year mandatory military assignment. Because choir kids’ bodies are typically too frail for advanced combat, the members of BYU Vocal Point will be required to perform at military bases around the world instead of fighting in various conflicts.

“My service to this country is my beautiful voice. ” Backup Singer #4 told the Alternate Universe. “Ummm did you see how many views our Encanto video got?”

We reached out to President Joe Biden for a comment on this surprising announcement. He only offered a few words to explain the decision.

“You’re welcome #longlivenoteworthy”

Mr. President, we are forever grateful.