Provo residents were shocked to find that a favorite local Mexican cafe- Rancherito’s- closed its doors to customers last weekend.

For many, this was a cause for panic. Riots broke out in the streets. Social media cried out in woe. Everyone united in the same thought: Why do bad things happen to good people?

Thanks to some expert investigative journalism conducted by The Alternate Universe,

the nature of the restaurant’s closing has now been confirmed to be related to renovation rather than retirement.

Through a process called “jack and bore”,  a total of 92 pipes — 40 feet long and 3.5 to 4 feet in diameter — will be inserted to support the restaurant’s foundation. The renovations aim to protect against earthquakes and other natural disasters, keeping sacred structure sturdy into the millennium and beyond.

An interview with Provo resident Gringo Starr represents the feelings of many others.

“If the reason I can’t enjoy a carne asada fries burrito now is that I’ll be able to enjoy one in the millennium, I’m okay with that,” he says.

Local Tamale Man, Emmanuel Tamale, weighed in with his thoughts.

“Esto ha sido genial para mi negocio de tamales.”

How will Provo change over the course of Rancherito’s closure? How will our economy fare? Perhaps only time will tell.