“Come on bro, I was just doing what my roommate told me to do.”

This was the phrase used by BYU Bro Ted Fulmer in his defense against his livid roommates this past weekend. According to Ted, he was only following instructions. Following the herd one would say.

But for his roommates, Ted absolutely crossed the line. What did Ted do to cause such a visceral reaction from his buddies? Well, just like you guessed it, he had sex with a frying pan.

According to some people, what Ted did technically doesn’t constitute as sex. For all other non-smooth brains out there, Ted was caught fornicating with his leftovers.

“I came out of my room for a snack and I just saw Ted breathing hard while standing next to the sink,” Zack Cornmaze, Ted’s roommate, told the Alternate Universe. ” At first, I thought, ‘Ted is finally doing his dishes!’ Never in a million years did I think he was actually doing his dishes.”

The Alternate Universe reached out to Mr. Fulmer to corroborate the story. Instead of denying the allegations, like any normal person would, he attempted to defend himself over Instagram DMs, his preferred form of communication.

“My roommates have been telling me for months to ‘at least soak my dishes’. Everytime they asked, I thought about it how gross it would be to do. I was so confused how they did that day after day. So the other say, I tried it to make my roommates happy. Are you not happy Eugene!?!”

Fulmer continued, “Once my girlfriend found out, I knew I really messed up. McChastity broke up with me that same day. She told me that she was the only person or thing I could soak with. I wish I could take it all back.”

Despite his remorse, his roommates are asking him to leave the group and find a new place. Nothing more has been said on the matter.