Tonight, BYU’s LaVell Edward’s Stadium hosted the Stadium of Fire concert. It featured singers including Tim McGraw and Marie Osmond, whoever she is. About half the audience was happy with hearing the cheesiest bullcrap that would ever grace the human population’s ears, but the other half demands a refund. Apparently $250 ticket does not justify the absence of fire encircling the stage.

 

“I bought tickets for the wife and kids thinking that we would see some actual fire, not this flashy sky-high light show,” says Rohn d’Swonson, who plans to sue if he doesn’t get his refund. “The name ‘Stadium of Fire’ is false advertising. It should be ‘Stadium of Fireworks’ instead.”

 

“The event had more 30-foot-tall pickup trucks than a Toyotathon,” says William Fancypants, who drives a Prius. “I do not look forward to the drive home with bright LED headlights blinding me. Good thing I remembered to bring my blue light glasses. If I had forgotten these, I would have sued for lack of transparency. The website needs to be more clear that people will bring their unnecessarily huge pickup trucks.”

 

“Yet again, I have nowhere to park in front of my own apartment complex! BYU Events Parking needs to ticket trespassers. And the noise! I have an early morning at work, but I can’t go to sleep because of the military jets, fireworks, and that awful sound people call ‘music,'” says Raylee McRaymond.

 

“You ever go to the dentist, and they scrape at your teeth with a metal pick? That’s what country music sounds like, ooohvababuba,” says McRykler Jones. He listens to nothing but the Star Wars soundtrack, so technically he’s not allowed to have an opinion on this matter.

 

BYU has something to say on the matter: “What’d you expect? It’s Tim McGraw,” tweeted the sentient BYU twitter bot.

 

Regardless of whether listeners enjoy country music, the consensus is that Stadium of Fire was a letdown. Maybe they should go to the U of U’s stadium next year and bug their students instead.