The inevitable finally happened this Wednesday afternoon. MARB, arguably the best building on campus, exploded. The Cold War era bunker in the basement had a tent heater that ran on propane, and safety inspectors for years begged BYU to remove it, but they did nothing. Now lead shrapnel and high quantities of carbon monoxide are in the atmosphere. Makes for some spectacular sunsets. Our thoughts and prayers are with whatever remains of the MARB.
Mikeleigh F. Yew, BYU’s senator for Model UN, says, “It was God’s will. Everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen, God already knows. This, then, was meant to happen. There is absolutely nothing we could have done to stop this from happening.”
“People have died, and many more will die. But there is a place in heaven for them. We should not mourn their loss. Their sacrifice allows us to be complacent; ignorance is bliss,” says McBrexenler Jones, who is a fan of both tent heaters and passive voice.
What will the replacement building look like? It will be midcentury-modern with a sleek stucco and sheet sliding exterior and no vertical symmetry. The building will be 60% roof, the space of which will not be used at all. The mismatched window styles will distract visitors from the fact that the MARB is no longer the classic BYU orange brick. And yet, everyone from Draper and Lehi will absolutely love it. This may seem like aimless speculation, but we’ve already seen the blueprints. They are horrendous.