Have you ever been directly responsible for the demise of another person? Most people would confidently think to themselves, “Of course not! I’m a good person”. But if you just thought this and you attend the prestigious Brigham Young University, you would be a big fat liar. And yes, I’m talking to you.

Sigmunda Freud was a bright, young Psychology student with strong aspirations of helping others. But sadly, her recent performance in her classes are destroyed her dreams.

“I wanted to become a therapist so I could help people improve their mental health. But now, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I got kicked out of the university and my apartment. Luckily, I met some good friends at the bridge I live under.”

As a psychology student, Freud was required to completed various projects that needed countless surveys to be collected. Because Freud was a psychology major, she obviously had no friends. She had to resort to texting random strangers from her class and sending out depressing Learning Suite messages.

“I never wanted to send out the surveys. Everyone knows how ridiculous and annoying those surveys are. I was just trying my best to survive.”

But tragically, not a single person responded to any of her surveys. Not a single classmate, roommate, or acquaintance filled out a survey. Sadly, due to her horrific major choice, she had no friends to help her out either. She was promptly removed the university shortly after.

“I met with Kevin Worthen himself and he personally kicked me out of BYU. He told me that all of my professors failed me because I couldn’t get any surveys completed. He told me that I was the saddest most pathetic student he’s ever seen” said Sigmunda.

“I meant ever word I said,” Worthen recounted to the Alternate Universe. “Students who send out surveys through Learning Suite should not attend Brigham Young University. That’s canon.”