Confused cheers at Miller Park quickly turned into alarmed screams last Saturday when the beloved Cosmo the Cougar suddenly collapsed during a heated BYU Baseball game. And we don’t mean heated in the sense that the two baseball teams were combative- the BYU players literally handed out copies of the Book of Mormon to the opposing team after the game. We mean in the sense that the weather was so especially sunny that Will Rees, the 22-year-old student underneath the Cosmo suit, suffered fatal symptoms due to heat exhaustion. 

According to witnesses, fans in attendance at Miller Park were mostly horrified at the realization that Cosmo wasn’t actually a real cougar. Screams of anguish intensified when Cosmo’s head was removed, revealing the young man inside the cougar.

“At first I was like- oh, is Cosmo just doing some weird bit?” said Jake Larson, a witness at the game. “But then I was like- oh, no- there’s a man in that 20-pound fur suit doing parkour in 80-degree weather.”

Will Rees was quickly carried out on a stretcher 15-minutes after he initially passed out. The discards of a cherished mascot were left on the field to view. Children cried. The BYU Athletic Department mourns the loss of “a true star taken too soon.” They would also like to announce that open auditions to replace Rees will take place next Tuesday at 5 pm at the LaVell Edwards Stadium.