After years of hard work, papers, tests, and trauma, all Steve Cragun was left with was a lousy diploma when he graduated from BYU. According to Cragun, he didn’t endure six years of his Bachelor’s Degree just to walk away with some stupid piece of paper; he was hoping to find his eternal partner at BYU. But like many recent grads, Cragun found himself spouseless as he walked across the stage in April.
“Girls just don’t have their priorities straight these days- they don’t care about marrying or even dating the right guy,” Cragun explained. “I couldn’t be the Chad they wanted, but I could have been the worthy Priesthood holder they needed.”
Similar sentiments have been echoed by other grads- and you might even find yourself relating to them. If you also found yourself leaving BYU without a ring, maybe you just weren’t listing hard enough to the Spirit when that still small voice told you your Eternal Families TA totally wanted you to ask them out. Maybe you should have sent that flirtatious email that’s still in your drafts to that one special missionary. Maybe you shouldn’t have said “I love you” on that third date when you scared them away.
There could be a lot of maybes that left you in the single condition you currently find yourself in. But alas, what’s past is past- you can only move forward now. Luckily for you and other failures, support is available and help is on the way. Because when Sarah Magleby graduated single from BYU two years ago, she founded “Loveless Old Students Exploring Romance,” or LOSER for short, a support group where spouseless graduates can join together and share their grief.
The group meets every Friday night in local church buildings- because it’s not like they had plans anyways- to sit across from each other in chairs meant for Primary children. According to Magleby, some members prefer to attend the meetings with a paper bag over their heads. The group will most often join together to express their shame and devotions as self-proclaimed “hopeless romantics,” or in other words, the delusions of defeated incels.
“Many members are already starting to realize their chances of finding a spouse have been decreasing by the minute since graduating BYU,” explained Magleby, who surprising to no one is still single. “Some are taking it better than others…”
“You think I went through all those years of work just for some stupid piece of paper?” remarked one recent LOSER member Jared Belnap. “They tell me ‘all that matters is that you got your diploma, that’s what you go to college for’- literally shut up. Shut up. Where the **** is my eternal partner?”
Recent studies show that the number of unmarried students leaving BYU is increasing with time. While there is no clear remedy to prevent such casualties, there are support groups available such as LOSER to single BYU grads that might ease the emotional injuries that come with being an undesirable member of society.