Congratulations class of 2022- you did it! You cheated on just enough online exams to walk the stage and confront your destiny as a future TJ Maxx Associate (assuming you graduated with a Communications degree).
Onto the next chapter, as they say. But as many will soon realize, the leap from the Lord’s University to the secular world is more like jumping into a whole new book. That is, unless you plan on staying in Utah. Which in that case, we hope you like horror novels.
But for recent BYU grads preparing to leave the Beehive State- don’t worry. We’re here to give you a preface. Here are five things you should know before entering the workforce post-BYU.
#1. Meetings don’t begin with an opening prayer.
We already know what you’re thinking- how can anyone possibly be productive without first burning their bosom? Well, the U.S. Equal Employment Act states that employees have every right to practice their religion in the workplace. But according to the same pesky Act, inviting others to participate must be completely voluntary.
But you didn’t spend two years learning how to coerce hesitant people for nothing; don’t be afraid to keep offering an opening prayer at your future job. Coworkers might tell you it’s “unnecessary” or “harassment,” but just keep putting your shoulder to the wheel and we’re sure you’ll eventually win over those office Karens.
#2. The coffee culture.
Unlike getting drinks with your coworkers after work, which you’ll never be invited to in the first place, office “coffee culture” is both rampant and unavoidable. Are you prepared for the amount of Starbucks frappucinos and cheese danishes you’ll be consuming because you don’t want to be left out?
Or worse, you might be the unpaid intern who has to get everyone their coffee. Good luck memorizing their orders- we know half of y’all can’t even pronounce macchiato.
#3. There are no 18-year-olds to wed.
Look, if you graduated from BYU without a ring, you probably already know your chances of finding “the one” are significantly decreasing by the minute. Becoming an official adult and entering the workforce can make the dating scene difficult for a number of reasons. But most notably, there are no 18-year-olds to multiply and replenish the earth with! That is, unless your workplace recruits particularly young employees. Just remember- interns are OFF LIMITS (unless the Spirit reveals them to you as your spouse, of course).
You can always try to convert your hot, age-appropriate coworker. Just remember that things work differently outside of Provo. Unfortunately, Human Resources might not understand that marriage is a #1 priority- regardless of what legal likes to call “an inappropriate environment to engage in romantic harassment.” There’s also the fact that most people outside of Provo don’t consider watching The Office or playing spikeball a compelling date.
#4. There are no grades, but you’ll still probably fail
We know it’s difficult to not directly tie your entire self-esteem and value as a human to a grade point average. On one obvious good note, at least you don’t have to worry about grades at all anymore. On the other hand, we’re sorry to inform you that there are still plenty of ways to fail in the workplace. We could name a few, but the majority of you will probably already discover one within your first year of employment. If you were one of the many BYU students who developed a bad habit of doing assignments last-minute or desperately emailing your TA for a deadline extension, we just hope your future job comes with a good severance package.
#5. Employers will look at your social media presence
For the most part, BYU students tend to already have that squeaky clean, professional image on social media that employers like to see. They might find the three-month gap between a post announcing one’s relationship to a post announcing an engagement quite strange, but these days there is really only one concern for the digital footprints of BYU students. That’s correct, we now directly speak to those who have been featured on the @blackmenaces TikTok account: Let’s just hope you said the right thing, or may God help you. Oh, employers might also notice if you post a daily scripter/conference quote. That won’t hurt you, but they’ll just know you’re annoying.