Bored of the monotonous Utah accent? Now’s your chance to get a fun, fresh experience while listening to the scriptures. This initiative was started to “persuade youth to pay more attention to the scriptures.” Here are the new voices:
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Batman
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a sexy voice that will make you more into scripture study
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ASMR
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perfect for falling asleep to
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Batman attempting ASMR
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even better for falling asleep to
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Owen Wilson
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featuring *wow* every other verse
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Pinocchio from Pinocchio: A True Story (2021)
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skedeskedeskede
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Napoleon Dynamite
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puts things into perspective
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Thomas the Tank Engine’s Narrator
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expect the word “cross” to pop up whenever a character is “quick to anger”
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Female Vocal Point
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who will sing the entire thing
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cheerleader
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to make a certain subgroup, ahem, pay more attention to the scriptures
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Severus Snape
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in case the original voices weren’t monotone enough for you
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yodeler
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to wake you up in the morning
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Bibble from Barbie Fairytopia
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including the Queen of the Night Aria sung to the lyrics of Alma 24:37
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Dora the Explorer
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your kids will finally be engaged with the scriptures!
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Mario
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to make you miss video games less
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Ben Shapiro
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for when you feel like listening to a podcast instead of revealed truth
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“We hope that this initiative will encourage younger members to listen to the scriptures more often,” says Shourney Lough, head of Church communications. “My nephew would always doze off until we got the cheerleader voice. Now he is wide awake!”
We interviewed a few Gospel Library audio playback listeners. Here’s what they have to say.
“I like the Bibble voice. It only makes sense that I would listen to Bibble narrate the Bible. However, I do find it difficult to understand what he is saying,” says McBron McBronson.
“I like listening to the Batman ASMR. Who knew that man had such a way with words?” says Arsyn Smith.
“Great, now it’s time for the Brethren to start a podcast,” says Not Elder Henry Erying, who was wearing a fake mustache.