The votes are in. The 94th Academy Awards has named “the guy feigning interest at the Wilk booth in order to get a free cookie” the best actor of 2021.

An exclusive interview with this man at the Oscar’s after party revealed more about what motivated his performance.

“I have 23 cents in my bank account. I have subsisted on nothing but free booth cookies for the last 4 months. I am vitamin deficient and think I’m getting scurvy,” he told the Alternate Universe through bleeding gums.

“It’s a matter of hunting and gathering. Some booths have little candies that are easy to take but only offer you so much sustenance. It’s the big game- cookies, brownies, donuts- that make the biggest difference.”

Other nominees offered comments regarding this man’s breathtaking performance.

“The way he channels the role of someone who is actually interested in working custodial is amazing. He nods his head, takes a flyer, and makes conversation. That’s what I call a triple threat,” said Benedict Cucumberbath, who starred in “The Power of the Dog” and whose name is still confusing to spell.

What will his next accomplishment be? Perhaps only time will tell.