Since in-person classes were reinstated in August 2021, we’ve seen a number of students treat the required mask policy like a child with ADHD treats lego instructions. But as of last week, BYU has announced that masks will no longer be required inside classrooms or other indoor spaces. So the Alternate Universe decided to take journalism to the streets and ask fellow students how they feel about the new policy update.
An interesting statistic rose in the correlation between those passionately supporting an optional mask policy and those who never wore a mask in the first place. Students such as Josh Carr, who hasn’t dawned a mask since dropping out of med school in 2019, report they are “deeply relieved” to no longer combat public safety. Here’s what the streets of BYU had to say on the matter.
“I’m glad I no longer have to hide the killer mustache I’ve been growing,” said grower and shower Josh Carr. “Well, it’s not like I was hiding it anyway, but you get it. Peacocks gotta fly.”
“Guess I’ve got to find a new reason to harass people,” said self-proclaimed freedom fighter Karen Cragun.
“BYU had no right to enforce such a ridiculous rule anyways,” SFL student Carleigh Maser aggressively proclaimed. “Sorry, can’t chat for long- I’ve got to head to the HCO and report my roommate for wearing a tank top real quick.”
“Finally, I have a legitimate chance to give my Chem professor Covid,” said justified menace Paul Magleby.
“I didn’t know my ward crush had adult braces,” sighed chronically single student Zac Mortensen. “I’m not sure I can wait two years…Maybe I should just hit up my ex who stayed single for me during my mission.”
“Is it just me, or has the spirit been a lot easier to feel without masks?” preached Religious Education student Romney Belnap. “I have constant chills running down my spine.”
“Yeah, that was just me sitting behind him in class,” explained mouth breather Emma Ansley in response to Romney Belnap’s comment. “He’s literally just feeling my breath on the back of his neck for the first time.”