Coke or Pepsi? Cats of dogs? Durfing or soaking? The cookie part of the Oreo, or the icing? With respect to certain matters of life, like the few just mentioned, people will either fall into one of two distinct categories, a “this” or “that.” The same goes for physical attributes. 

Either way, our preferences are a reflection of ourselves. So, what does the preference on every guy’s mind– but perhaps left out of formal conversation- ultimately say? We are of course talking about open shoulders or open knees.

The BYU Dress and Grooming Standards states that female students are not permitted to wear sleeveless tops or bottoms above the knee. This is of course to prevent unwanted attention towards our sexiest body parts, the shoulder and the knee.  

While perhaps scandalous, The Alternative Universe just had to know- which of these banned body parts tempts men on campus the most? So we decided to do our journalistic duty and research heavily into this important matter. That’s why, like an 18th-century prostitute, we asked the first 50 men coming from the TMCB building which provocative body part tempts their assumed virginity the most. 

“I don’t really like talking about girls’ private parts like this,” said male student, McKay. “But I guess if I had to choose, I would say shoulders because most of the time I see a baby’s face in people’s knees.”  

“This is just incredibly offensive and unnecessary,” said another student- who now wishes to remain anonymous. “Feet is where it’s at,” he explained. 

Luckily for this student, open toes aren’t deemed sexy enough to be included in the Dress and Grooming Standards. At least if you don’t go to BYUI.

After surveying over 50 male students, we tallied the votes. The results were in: 60% had noted a preference for open shoulders and 35% noted a preference for open knees. The remaining 5% gave us bizarre third-party options we don’t wish to reveal and made us all the more pro-kink-shaming.