As part of its goal to be spiritually strengthening, Brigham Young University holds devotionals or campus forums every Tuesday. Speakers have included general authorities and auxiliaries, professors, and religious leaders from other faiths.

In an effort to encourage attendance of these events, many places around campus close during devotionals, including the Cougareat, the Cannon Center, the testing center, the BYU store, and even some emergency services.

This week there is a very special devotional. Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will be speaking to the campus community. Both students and faculty are very excited as he was such a hit the last time he spoke at BYU. Let’s just say he has a good shot at really piercing the hearts of the people he addresses with his inspirational words.

All the regular services on campus will close as usual, along with- for this week only- the entirety of the city of Provo. Mayor Michelle Kaufusi made the announcement early this morning. “We really want everyone, whether they are a BYU student or not, to have the chance to hear the inspiring words from this prophet of God. That is why every business in Provo will be closing today from 11 am to 12 pm, along with the bus system, the public parks and drinking fountains, the emergency response system, and the traffic lights.”

Backlash to this announcement has been considerable. “They cannot be serious. The Cannon center is closed, the Cougareat is closed, and now I can’t even go to Raising Canes to get chicken strips? I am legitimately going to starve,” cried freshman Bronson Braxtenson. 

Mayor Michelle Kaufusi was not available when the Alternate Universe reached out for comment as she had already left to go take a nap with plans to read over the devotional later, of course.